Condom Store To Open Between West Leb Sex Shop, Pregnancy Center

City hopes it will prevent further undesirable retail from opening at gateway to downtown West Leb

WEST LEBANON– Right between the existing sex shop and pregnancy center located at the southern entrance to downtown West Lebanon, a new store is opening its doors for business that municipal leaders hope will prevent any unexpected and unwanted  stores from appearing in the future.

“The City has taken an abstinence approach to the development of West Lebanon for decades, which experts warn has been proven ineffective at preventing unwanted auto parts stores.”

Responding to criticisms that the building’s facade didn’t give the best first impression of the downtown, a representative of the sex shop said stated, “we run a productive small business catering to the quiet habits and vices of the region’s citizens,” adding, “if you don’t like our business we’re happy to recommend a silicone, metal, or even a splintery wooden device and offer guidance as to where you can stick it.”

Asked if they had considered utilizing the proposed facade improvement grant process the spokesman replied, “I don’t think we sell a bong big enough in our headshop to make anyone think it’s worth the headaches of dealing with the bureaucratic process and likely increase we’d see in our taxes if we invested in our property. Despite the products we sell, we’re not in the business of screwing ourselves.”

Some have suggested that the City should seek help with their own E.D. issues, as problems with Economic Development are nothing to be embarassed about and help is available.